maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ugly people sure do ruin things
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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