He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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