mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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