so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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