I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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