"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize