You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize