My room smells like vodka and shame
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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