Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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