It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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