I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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