Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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