i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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