Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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