Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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