He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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