my mouth tastes like poor choices
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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