Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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