So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize