this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize