shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize