Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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