I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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