Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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