It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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