I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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