i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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