at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize