My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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