Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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