K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize