Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
