I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize