Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize