a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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