Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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