so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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