Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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