I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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