First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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