he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
