Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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