I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize