I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize