I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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