i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize