She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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