I am midnight drunk by noon
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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