I want to make a zoo with you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize