Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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