when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's shark week go big or go home
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