would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize