i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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