yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think i have two assholes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wear drunk well.
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